


and here it is, our final night alive

by horizsan



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Big angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, No Sexual Content, Seriously I'm sorry, Well - Freeform, actually yea i am, again i'm so sorry, hongjoong!centric, i almost feel bad posting this, i am not responsible for any tears shed while you read, i briefly proofread this time woo go me, i'm definitely responsible, inspired by the song as the world caves in by matt maltese, like there's nothing graphic, sorry - Freeform, the major character death is more implied/stated than described, the world is literally ending that's the short and sweet of it, there's fluff in here if you like ignore the fact that they're about to die, this is really sad i'm sorry, this may break your heart, tw nuclear weapons mention, unbetaed, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25433689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horizsan/pseuds/horizsan
Summary: “You always said you’d love me to the end of the world. Look around us, darling. The world is ending.”
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 14
Kudos: 35





	and here it is, our final night alive

**Author's Note:**

> i am So Sorry in advance for breaking your hearts, but hey, you had the choice not to read this, and i'm assuming if you're here at all, you're prepared.
> 
> WARNINGS: mention of the use of a nuclear weapon that literally wipes out the entire world, major character death (obviously). the major character death is more implied/stated than described, there's nothing graphic about this.
> 
> the title is a lyric from the song this was inspired by, "as the world caves in" by matt maltese. you can listen to it while you're reading if you want to, but i didn't take very much inspiration from the lyrics itself, so the narrative the lyrics tell doesn't necessarily fit very well with this. if you want to, though, feel free.
> 
> i usually ramble for literal years in my opening notes but my brain has decided to stop functioning so that's all i have to say for now, i guess. oh, however, if you decide that you need some healing after reading this, i have two very fluffy seongjoong oneshots (which are partner fics to one another) also posted on my account, if you'd like to check those out as well :D

_It’s you that I lie with as the atom bomb locks in_

* * *

It’s ugly. It’s beautiful, too, but in an ugly sort of way. Everything seems so finalized, so over, and maybe it seems that way because it _is_ that way. The sky is dark, because it’s nighttime, but it feels dark in a way that’s more than just its appearance. There’s that sinking feeling, ever present, pressing down on Hongjoong’s stomach less and less gently as the night continues on. He knows it’s coming, that’s what all the radio stations and news channels said, that’s what people have been screaming in their squeaky panicked voices as they run through the streets as though this is something they can run from. He just doesn’t know when, and that’s the scary part. He doesn’t know exactly how much longer he’s got.

He knows exactly where he wants to spend that “however much longer”, and that’s exactly where he is now. Sitting in the bed of this beat-up old truck with the love of his life at his side, parked at the edge of a cliff, overlooking the city, every light on and siren wailing, as if curling up in bomb shelters will save anyone. Hongjoong knows he’ll be dead before the sun rises tomorrow morning, and he would rather his last moments be ones filled with hushed bliss than overwhelming terror. Hongjoong had never been scared to die, until he met Seonghwa, met his _something to lose_ . He’s not scared anymore. He knows neither of them will make it out alive, and if they’re both going to die, it may as well happen in each other’s arms. _That would be nice_ , he thinks.

He reaches both of his arms out to Seonghwa, beckoning the beautiful ebony-haired boy in for a hug. A hug that, if Hongjoong has his way, will never end. Seonghwa obliges, scooting closer so that they can be at least somewhat comfortable, not having to stretch their arms too much or lean over too far in order to embrace one another. Hongjoong gently nuzzles his nose against the intersection where Seonghwa’s neck fades into shoulders and collarbone, and he feels more than hears Seonghwa’s breathy laugh breezing through his hair.

Seonghwa’s voice is tentative, choked a bit with fear, and Hongjoong can feel Seonghwa’s Adam’s apple move against his temple as he swallows. He asks, “Is it wrong for me to be laughing?” A dry chuckle passes his lips for a second, and he has to pause, and Hongjoong can feel him swallow back a sob. “I mean, we’re about to die.”

Hongjoong uses his pointer finger to rub tiny circles against the small of Seonghwa’s back, and shakes his head. “No, I don’t think it’s wrong. I think we should try to be as happy as possible in these last moments, rather than spending them in debilitating fear.” He turns his head to the side a few degrees to press a chaste kiss to the side of Seonghwa’s neck, and after a few seconds, feels Seonghwa’s lips gently touch the top of his head.

Hongjoong pulls his head away from where it’s tucked to look at Seonghwa, eyes tracing over the features he’d memorized long ago: soft eyes that always looked at Hongjoong like he was the center of the universe (and he was, in a sense), a strong jawline that Seonghwa always knew how to show off when he wanted to, a beautiful striking nose that Hongjoong loved to run a single finger down the bridge of before gently kissing the tip. Seonghwa tries to meet Hongjoong’s gaze every time he shifts it, but Hongjoong’s eyes are always one step ahead of his. Seonghwa whispers, barely more than a breath, “What are you looking at?”, the tiniest of smiles peeking its rays above the horizon.

“You. Only you. Always you.”

Seonghwa laughs again, louder this time, like he’s allowing himself to do it despite the fact that he thinks the time isn’t right. The sound rains down on Hongjoong’s ears, weaving its way into his brain like a mixture of honey and liquid gold, and he never wants to forget that sound. He never wants to forget anything about Seonghwa, not the sound of his laugh, or the sound of his voice, or the way sometimes his smile looks like he can’t tell whether he’s happy or in pain, or the way he looks at Hongjoong, or the way he’ll coo at babies and make them laugh. Hongjoong sends up a silent prayer, not quite sure who to, that if there is an afterlife, he’ll never forget a single part of Seonghwa.

Seonghwa pulls Hongjoong closer again, using one hand to cage Hongjoong’s head against his chest. Hongjoong can hear Seonghwa’s heartbeat, erratic at first, but as he cards his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair, it calms down, becoming soft and steady after a few moments. Hongjoong leans into the touch, pulling Seonghwa as close as he possibly can, rubbing his left ring finger up and down Seonghwa’s backs, counting the discs of the boy’s spine. Hongjoong whispers, more to himself than Seonghwa, “I hope I never forget you.”

Seonghwa hears him, and Hongjoong feels the body wrapped in his arms jerk as Seonghwa chokes back a sob. Hongjoong’s left hand roams up from where it’s counted seven of the ridges of Seonghwa’s spine, twirling the strands of hair at the back of Seonghwa’s head around his fingers. Seonghwa’s voice is weak, afraid to speak too loud lest the sobs fighting to be released from the back of his throat manage to break through the wall holding them back. “I don’t want to ever forget you, no matter what.”

Hongjoong doesn’t want to cry tonight. Hearing Seonghwa so close to it is making a lump rise in his throat, and he swallows it down adamantly, burying his face deeper in Seonghwa’s chest, because he knows if he pulls back and looks at Seonghwa’s face and the grief that he knows must be webbed across it right now, he won’t be able to hold back those tears anymore. Then again, maybe crying wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. They have every right to, don’t they?

Seonghwa is all Hongjoong has, has been all he has for a long time now, and the world is ending tonight, and once that nuclear bomb set to make the whole world cave in is dropped in who knows how long, there will be nothing left. Nothing to come back to, no one to come back at all, nothing left of either of them. They’ll lose one another, forever, in an indeterminate amount of time that’s definitely less than six hours.

He can feel the stabbing heat of tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and he squints to try to hold them back, but that just squeezes them out. Just as he feels one of his tears get absorbed into the fabric of Seonghwa’s favorite sweater, he feels a single droplet of water hit the nape of his neck. He curls his hands into tight fists, balling up soft fabric within them, trying to pull Seonghwa even closer, as if that’s possible. They stay like that for a while, shedding quiet tears in the comfort of one another’s arms, trying their damned hardest to forget about their impending doom, but their damned hardest isn’t enough.

Once Hongjoong finally manages to stop the tears from pouring out of his eyes like water surging through a broken dam, he pulls his head back away from Seonghwa’s chest, forcing himself to have the courage to meet Seonghwa’s broken face, with its cracked expression and shattered eyes. He laughs, a sad laugh this time, one tinged with agony, and briefly removes one hand from where it’s curled into Seonghwa’s sweater to gesture at the world all around them. “You always said you’d love me to the end of the world. Look around us, darling. The world is ending.” He shifts up onto his knees and leans forward to press a gentle kiss right between Seonghwa’s eyes, settling back down and whispering, “Every time I said ‘I love you to death’, I meant it.”

Seonghwa’s whisper is barely above the volume of a breath. “I know.”

Hongjoong bends his neck forward, moving his head down to pepper kisses to every single one of the tiny freckles that traipse along Seonghwa’s collarbone like stars. Hongjoong used to love playing little games of connecting the dots while they tried to fall asleep, creating constellations, giving them names and even making up stories behind them if he was feeling particularly creative. His own voice matches Seonghwa’s now, barely louder than the quietest of breaths. He knows if he speaks any louder, he’ll break down in sobs again, and he doesn’t want that right now. “I love you to death.”

“I love you to death too.” It’s at that exact moment that Hongjoong sees it happen, sees the bomb fall from the sky, just barely visible because it’s so far away, but he knows the blast will reach them in mere minutes, if not seconds. Seonghwa can’t see it, but Hongjoong knows he knows it’s over. He can see the faintest glitter of fear spark in Seonghwa’s eyes, and he can feel Seonghwa’s nails digging into his back as he yanks Hongjoong as close as possible, crashing their lips together in one last desperate kiss. Hongjoong closes his eyes, focusing on nothing but Seonghwa, mumbling countless sweet nothings into Seonghwa’s mouth, thinking about how once this is over for good, everything will be okay again. Everything. Everything. There’s a brief flash of the worst pain Hongjoong thinks he’s ever felt, and then everything is gone. There’s nothing left, not a single tiny glimmer of either of them, but everything is okay.

* * *

_Yes, it’s you I welcome death with as the world, as the world caves in_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this, or thought it was pretty, or something. i honestly don't know how i managed to keep from crying while i wrote this. maybe it was because i was listening to happy music (aka bouncy by rocket punch on repeat). yea, maybe it was that. anyways, if you did like this, feel free to leave a comment letting me know your thoughts! if i broke your heart, feel free to yell at me a lil!
> 
> i will definitely have more seongjoong coming in the future, as i'm working on a few longer pieces for them rn, along with a few that are a bit shorter, and will hopefully take me less time to finish.
> 
> anyways, have a nice day/night! i love you, and i hope you're eating well, staying hydrated, and taking good care of yourself during these trying times <3


End file.
